Am I writing the ending? Or the beginning? Hard to figure

This morning I sat by an open sliding door, hot cup of coffee at my elbow, a hint of night chill still lingering in the air. And as I sat still, reading my paper, I also listened to the sounds of a different world waking up outside. And as I was listening, as I soaked up that peace, as I heard a familiar soundtrack play again, I remembered once more that I have always loved Florida in the morning. Coffee on the Lanai. Lazy ceiling fan, twirling, with no real purpose or agenda other than to spin gracefully in the refracted morning light. Watching the Egrets in the early morning glow, so graceful, as they dip and sway to a bird rhythm I can’t quite hear. This is the Florida I remember. This is part of the Florida I’ve missed so much. This is my home.

So, last time you were here I was still whinging and whining about the very idea of moving. Bitching and moaning about the logistics. And you know the rest. Well, to all that, I can only say “what a difference a weekend can make!” Really. And I think part of the reason for my attitude adjustment, other than rum and coffee on the lanai, is also seeing the happiness on my husband’s face. Happiness I normally don’t see. Excitement and anticipation as he begins a brand-new challenge and a new opportunity. Seeing the optimism he’s steeping himself in over tackling something that in the past would have completely shut him down is truly wondrous for me. And I guess his excitement is starting to become contagious. Because now I’m ready to start building this new life too. Ready to find my own new challenge. My own new personal opportunity. Ready to build our new nest. Start our life here together.

But today I can’t. Not yet. Because today I’m at the airport, waiting to catch my one way flight back to our old life. So I can start tying up all our loose ends. Start writing the ending of this chapter. So the beginning of our new story, our next chapter can, well, begin. I guess. Yep, begin. And that means that finally I think I can do this. I think this is right. And I know now that endings have to come in order to have beginnings. Ours is starting now. And I’m glad of that. Relieved. And maybe a little happy? At last. Yes. Happy.